Waking up this morning, I laid in bed listening to the puppies fussing with each other and then dozing off again. I felt Anna breathing beside me and shifting to borrow some of my body heat.  The sun peeking through the partly drawn curtains offered a possibility of respite from the last few days rain. It is my Saturday and I don't intend to waste it!

What do I have to accomplish today? What tasks are on my list to make me feel as if I got ahead of the unending mass of chores that I set for myself? Which ones are on the list but will probably never be done? What can I shift to another day or another season?

I once wondered what made me so driven to do stuff, to perform some tasks with a fierce determination while disdainfully ignoring important work that would have altered the arc of my life. I don't worry as much about that any longer; I chose not to regret decision that only hurt me a long time ago. I guess that time has cooled the fire of self examination somewhat, or at least the heat of self recrimination.

This morning I'll launch into completing a pallet wood dog palace that the new girls don't seem to care about yet. They love the small space under the wood pile where they can escape all the predators lurking in the back yard. The camo pattern tarp that covers the pile of small Tamarack logs is another favorite. It is the hub of a non-stop game of hide and seek, they can run under it in and pounce on each other all the while making glorious noise. Maybe in the spring they'll figure out how to use this wooden kennel.

In the back of my mind looms the fate of my old van. The early nineties Toyota Previa that has been a part of so many adventures in a pivotal era of my life. The sight of it is shadowed with twenty five years of hauling friends and their bikes and beer and skis and dogs and boxes and beer and camping stuff and boats and... essentially all the things that I've loved for almost half my life. It doesn't run right now, the starter needs to be rebuilt I think, but I'm reluctant to put much money into it and I'm not giving it a lot of my time either. So it quietly rusts on the driveway and stays on my list of future chores.

The rush to make today count has faded some, I suppose poured too much momentum into the keyboard just now. Perhaps another cup of coffee will tip the balance. Lets find out shall we?

Well, I guess that starting a new habit is even harder than I imagined it would be.

But I seem to get inspired to write after I read my buddy Idaho Rider. D is finding his own voice, and getting better at putting thoughts out there with nuance and meaning. I can only hope to get to that point. Of course my eternal ego says that I can do that with just a modicum of practice. (Must get that voice under control)

The Kiwi and I seem to be in an odd pattern; we commute into SpoVegas 2 or 3 days a week, bust ass at our J.O.B.S and imagine getting ahead. We spend about 14 hours a week in the car, laying out too much of our limited income supporting Exxon. Once home we prep dinner and eat while watching a movie from NetFlix, clean up and head to bed. I'ts not a bad routine, but I don't want us to just exist, I want us to LIVE! I love the girl too much to keep things mundane. I know what a killer living in a rut is to a relationship.

Money is always an issue for all couples. Hell it is an issue for everyone but the Gates and Murdochs in the world. I have put us behind in a big way by staying too long at a straight commission job that I just didn't have an aptitude for. I should have been socking away some kind of paycheck while studying for a degree or certification, even a real estate license would have helped. I was able to set a decent buisness plan for the Bike Shop and I stuck to it, but once I passed the time parameter for that plan, I just fell into the family habit of working hard while daydreaming.

There is a strange gene that seems to run through the males of my clan. It manifests itself in an earnest lust at "hitting it BIG" knocking down huge commissions, hitting the mother lode ore body, growing a New England pub to gigantic proportions, Winning the Lottery! We all seem to work hard and sort of smart, but there is always that underlying sensation that we are missing our potential.

I've been hearing that my entire life,"missing one's potential" what does it mean? Mom said she knew, but she never shared that knowledge. Pity.

Well, here goes.

I just read some of my best friend Idahoriders' posts and thought that this could be a great way to at least peripherally keep in touch with the people who mean the most to me. Should they ever learn of the existence of this blog...

Now what I have to do is make and keep a commitment to post regularly. Will it be daily? Or is that a bit ambitious and egoistic. Will it be a couple of time a week? That seems about right.

Wow, what is on my mind?

• Anna
• Skiing
  
• My job
• Moving to New Zealand
• The environment
• The oddities of my Health
  
• Religion - see evils of
• Politics in general

I'll stew on these and post tomorrow